What is Sleep Divorce, and Why Are Couples Choosing It?

More than one-third of Americans are giving ‘sleep divorce’ a try. It might sound drastic, but more couples than ever are choosing to sleep in separate beds or even separate rooms to get the rest they desperately need. For some, it’s not a sign of relationship trouble. It’s a move toward healthier, happier lives together. So it’s no wonder more couples are embracing this unconventional approach.

What is Sleep Divorce, and How Did It Become So Popular?

Sleep divorce is the practice of couples choosing to sleep separately. Though it may sound unconventional, the trend is gaining traction across the United States and beyond. Rather than indicating relationship issues, sleep divorce often prioritizes personal health and well-being. Many couples report feeling happier and more content when they get quality rest. In these cases, sleep separation can actually help strengthen their connection. 

For many, sleep quality has a profound impact on mental, physical, and emotional health. CNN reports that almost half of Americans (40%) are affected by sleep disruptions due to a partner’s habits, such as snoring or tossing and turning. When one partner’s sleep struggles affect the other, relationship tensions may follow.

Why the Rise in Popularity?

Several societal shifts contribute to the growing acceptance of sleep divorce. First, the COVID-19 pandemic shifted the spotlight onto personal health and wellness. Many began prioritizing sleep as an essential part of self-care. Additionally, flexible work arrangements have led to a greater need for customized sleep schedules. This is especially true in households where work hours vary. Couples with varied wake times often find that sleeping separately enables them to maintain their ideal sleep routine without disrupting each other.

Moreover, understanding of sleep disorders has evolved. Conditions like insomnia, sleep apnea, and restless leg syndrome have a high prevalence among adults. Nearly 70 million Americans suffer from some form of chronic sleep disorder. These conditions not only affect health but also strain relationships if left untreated. So, many find that sleeping separately can improve both their well-being and their connection with their partner.

Despite misconceptions, sleep divorce is widely recognized by psychologists and sleep experts as a positive approach. Experts emphasize that sleeping separately can strengthen relationships by allowing each partner to wake up refreshed. For many couples, this approach supports a stronger, more resilient bond. When sleep disruptions are constant, a “sleep divorce” can be an effective solution. It offers the chance to improve physical health, mental well-being, and the overall connection between partners.

How Common is Sleep Divorce, and Who is Trying It?

About 9% of couples in the U.S. sleep in separate beds. In the U.K., the number rises to 29% for couples who occasionally or permanently choose separate sleeping arrangements. Couples in their 30s to 50s often follow this trend, influenced by different sleep schedules and individual sleep needs. Health concerns and personal preferences are also common reasons.

Who’s Opting for Sleep Divorce?

Sleep divorce appeals to a range of couples, particularly those with intense work schedules or sleep disorders. For instance:

• Shift workers – Nearly 15 million Americans work night shifts, affecting their natural sleep cycle. Sleeping separately allows for uninterrupted sleep, benefiting both partners.
• Parents with young children – New parents often face sleep deprivation. Sleeping in different rooms can help one partner catch up on sleep. While the other attends to the baby.
• Couples with health issues – Chronic conditions like sleep apnea or chronic pain are common reasons for sleep divorce. Some adults with sleep apnea find it challenging to share a bed. Reasons could be due to CPAP machine noise or frequent movements.

Interestingly, experts note that while sleep divorce is popular among middle-aged adults, younger couples are open to it too. Especially as awareness of sleep quality increases. Younger couples, often more open to non-traditional relationships and health-focused choices, see sleep divorce as a proactive measure rather than a relationship setback.

For many couples, choosing to prioritize health and wellness through sleep divorce has delivered surprisingly positive outcomes. Individuals with better rest experience reduced stress, stronger immune function, and improved focus. These benefits contribute to a healthier, more balanced personal life. The relationship itself becomes more satisfying and fulfilling.

Is Sleeping Apart Harmful or Helpful for Relationships?

Whether sleeping apart is harmful or helpful depends largely on the couple and their communication around the decision.

The Benefits

• Better Mood – Couples who get enough rest generally report fewer disagreements. A study found that sleep-deprived couples are more likely to argue and less likely to resolve conflicts.
• Increased Relationship Satisfaction – Partners who control their sleep environment often feel more content. For many couples, choosing separate sleeping arrangements reduces morning grogginess and irritability. Changes like this can lead to more pleasant daily interactions.
• Reduced Health Risks – Poor sleep is associated with higher risks of depression, hypertension, and diabetes. When sleep quality improves, couples may notice better physical health, which positively affects their relationship.

Potential Downsides

Sleep divorce may be less helpful if it causes emotional distance. Some partners worry that sleeping apart means a loss of intimacy. Communication is needed. If both partners feel disconnected, it can lead to misunderstandings. Sleep specialists emphasize that sleep divorce should be a shared decision. Both partners should agree on maintaining closeness in other ways, like prioritizing evening or morning routines together.

What Are Some Practical Tips for Couples Considering Sleep Divorce?

There are a few practical steps to ensure the transition goes smoothly and positively impacts the relationship:

• Discuss Expectations – Both partners should express their thoughts, concerns, and expectations. Set boundaries and agree on ways to maintain intimacy.
• Trial Period – Try sleeping separately for a week or two before committing. Trials like this allow you both to evaluate how it impacts your sleep quality, mood, and relationship dynamics.
• Invest in Comfort – Create a cozy, inviting sleep environment tailored to individual comfort. Invest in quality bedding, a sound machine, or blackout curtains to elevate relaxation. Little adjustments make a noticeable difference in sleep quality.
• Establish Routine Togetherness – Set aside time daily for connection. Maybe have coffee together in the morning or sharing an evening walk. These routines create intimacy even without sharing a bed.
• Stay Flexible – Revisit the arrangement periodically. Life changes — like kids, health issues, or work schedules — may shift your needs. Be open to adjusting sleep arrangements as circumstances evolve.

How Do You Know If Sleep Divorce Is Right for You?

Start by evaluating how your current sleeping arrangement affects you:

• Assess Your Sleep Quality – Are you waking up tired, irritable, or unwell? If sleep disruptions — like snoring, tossing, or different schedules — are affecting you, sleeping apart might offer the solution.
• Consider Your Health Needs – If one or both of you suffer from sleep disorders like insomnia or sleep apnea, separate sleeping arrangements can significantly improve health and well-being. Disrupted sleep increases health risks like hypertension and depression.
• Reflect on Emotional Connection – Emotional and physical closeness is essential for a healthy relationship. If you feel that separate sleep will detract from your bond, consider ways to balance closeness with rest. Some couples keep shared spaces like reading nooks or couches to spend quality time before bed.
• Try a Test Night – A one-night trial can give you both a sense of how separate sleeping feels. Notice if you wake up feeling refreshed and positive.

Sleep divorce benefits couples who prioritize both their health and relationships by improving sleep quality. It allows partners to stay connected in other meaningful ways while ensuring restful nights.

Why Consult The Insomnia and Sleep Institute of Arizona for Sleep-Related Solutions?

Sleep impacts everything — your health, happiness, even your relationships. At The Insomnia and Sleep Institute of Arizona, we get it. We’re not just here to treat symptoms. We’re here to help you truly sleep better and live better. Our team brings genuine care and expertise to guide you through every step.

What Makes Us Different?

• Personalized Solutions – No generic fixes here. We dig deep to understand your unique sleep issues and craft solutions that truly fit your life.
• Leading-Edge Treatments – From advanced therapies to custom care plans, we’re equipped with the latest to help you conquer your sleep challenges.
• Ongoing Support – We’re with you every step of the way, helping you rediscover what a good night’s sleep feels like.

Your sleep and your well-being all matter deeply to us. Trust us to help you get there. Message us.

References

Celmer, L. (2023, July 10). Over a third of Americans opt for a “sleep divorce.” American Academy of Sleep Medicine – Association for Sleep Clinicians and Researchers. https://aasm.org/over-a-third-americans-opt-sleep-divorce/

Curotto, P. C., Virginie Sterpenich, Sander, D., Favez, N., Rimmele, U., & Klimecki, O. (2021). Quarreling After a Sleepless Night: Preliminary Evidence of the Impact of Sleep Deprivation on Interpersonal Conflict. Affective Science, 3(2), 341–352. https://doi.org/10.1007/s42761-021-00076-4

‌ CDC. (2024, April 22). About Work Schedules and Reproductive Health. Reproductive Health and the Workplace. https://www.cdc.gov/niosh/reproductive-health/prevention/work-schedules.html

‌ Colten, H. R., Altevogt, B. M., & US), M. (2024). Extent and Health Consequences of Chronic Sleep Loss and Sleep Disorders. Nih.gov; National Academies Press (US). https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK19961/

Farmer, J. (2017, April 9). Sleeping Together May Be a Nightmare. Better Sleep Council | Start Every Day with a Good Night’s Sleep. https://bettersleep.org/research/survey-american-couples-have-trouble-in-bed/

Farmer, J. (2017, April 9). Sleeping Together May Be a Nightmare. Better Sleep Council | Start Every Day with a Good Night’s Sleep. https://bettersleep.org/research/survey-american-couples-have-trouble-in-bed/

Staff, S. R. (2023, October 13). Why More UK Couples Are Saying Goodnight to Shared Beds. Sleep Review. https://sleepreviewmag.com/sleep-health/demographics/relationship-status/why-uk-couples-saying-goodnight-shared-beds/

This content is for informational purposes only and should not be considered medical advice. Always consult a qualified healthcare provider for any questions about your health.